Theory vs Action

Or in other words learning to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. I just need more practice, right?

I am writing again about some things I learned as I studied this morning. I feel like I am getting a little closer to my seemingly never-ending quest to be more faithful, less of a murmurer—basically to stop asking “why?”

I know it is a repeated theme in this space.

As I began reading 1Nephi 2 I couldn’t help wondering why Lehi was “ok” with his tender mercy being told to leave with his family. He was completely fine. It clearly states that he built an altar and gave thanks. He didn’t know he was going to the promised land as far as I can tell, just that his life was spared. Now, don’t get me wrong, I would be grateful for too. I just can also see that as days passed in the wilderness I think I would be wondering if there was more? Or why the Lord couldn’t have chosen a different plan? I understand that some things can’t be altered—like consequences for sin. My “why” comes from a place where there isn’t sin. I have a hard time when it feels like your blessings feel more like consequences. Lehi wasn’t perfect, but his leaving wasn’t based on what he did wrong. It was the result of other’s bad choices.

Laman and Lemuel of course are murmuring, I think they may have had some of my same thoughts. Nephi tells them that one of the reasons is because they don’t understand God’s ways. I marked that scripture back in 1994 as something that I should think about. So I get that it is such an important clue, yet I still don’t seem to get it. All I see is:  I clearly do not understand God’s dealings, or I would not still be asking why?

Nephi didn’t understand either, but takes his question to the Lord. This time as I read I understood that he wanted to know “the mysteries” of God. For me that meant he wanted to understand God’s will not change it.  And because he went with that desire his heart was changed, “softened”, and he believed the words of his Father. In the next verse we are told exactly what happened as he explains to Sam that he knew through the Holy Ghost that the words of his father were true. But what words exactly? At this point there is still no mention of the “bigger picture”. They see the good, their glass is half full. They are content with the knowledge that their lives have been spared from the destruction that awaits Jerusalem (which is big) and however the Lord decided to do that is the best thing.

I am not sure where I would fit in, exactly. Because I wouldn’t be like Laman and Lemuel completely. I would be grateful that my life was spared. I do believe that God has power, so I wouldn’t doubt his ability to keep His word about Jerusalem’s destruction. That same power would be the source of my questioning if the wilderness was really the only answer or option. I would want it all fixed and made better, sooner than later. But that is not Nephi. Not until Nephi goes to the Lord again in prayer on behalf of his brothers and the sorrow that he feels for their disbelief, does the Lord explain everything-the promised land, Nephi’s see and his being a ruler.

So the conclusion is: Nephi trusted and believed, he felt peace, He placed himself squarely in God’s hands, before he knew the details.

And when did Lehi have the details? I still don’t know. But after I saw Nephi’s experience, I went back to 1Nephi 1:14 where Lehi describes his earlier vision where he was taught from the Bible--(how did I miss that before?). There he shares his testimony of the power and goodness and mercy of God.  The same testimony that Nephi is operating under. He didn’t need the details because he was sure that God treat him the same. He would do all those things that He did anciently for His children, He would do them again, for him.

My hope is that through Grace I will be able to let go of the details, and find that faith that Lehi and Nephi had. That I will trust that the Lord will do what He has always done…for ME.