Pause for Reflection

Reading this morning, makes me think I need to pause the regular programming and listen to a word from my sponsor. Alma warns that if we want mercy, righteous judgment and good done to us we need to send those same things outward. It part of the law of restoration. I immediately thought of R&R, (my foster’s parents). Where is the line of giving those things to be helpful or actually hurtful by being enabling. Enabling is probably more of a worldly ideas than a heavenly one. I believe that we shouldn’t judge in general, but yet it is given us to judge righteously. We must judge to choose friends, partners activities etc.

Having an addiction is hard to overcome, or I guess to be fully honest, I imagine and I understand from others that it is extremely difficult. I am so thankful that I am not in that position. And not being with your children, again is devastating. So I can see where I need to show more love and mercy. There choices affect me directly, so it is hard to not judge them. How do I help them, really help them, if I don’t expect from them some choices that improve their circumstances? But is that even my place? What does Heavenly Father want me to do? There have been events this week, that have caused me to be so angry that I feel justified in expressing that anger. I am justified because I am standing up for myself and not letting them get away with anything. That isn’t mercy. But I honestly don’t know which is right.

I know I need to be guided by the spirit. And maybe I need to study mercy. I know that they are children of God, and that he loves them. His desire is to have them return to him, just as much as me. I feel like I am the only one---we, Kelly and I, are the only ones doing any work to see that that happens—the earthly work. I know the atonement will work for them. I ask for an increase of love for them in my prayers, because I know I need help with that. I pray for it because I know He has it. I don’t rejoice in their suffering. I do wonder about if it is healthy for the kids to ever go back…for the kids sake, not because I want to see them suffer.

It is hard. I want to be Christlike. I hope that I am learning to be more like Him as I struggle with these questions and feelings and not moving farther away.