This past weekend we had an exciting “first” in our married life together. This is almost 31 years in the making and so exciting! It did make us feel a little old, but it was totally worth it.
What was it? We spent the night at Maryn’s place! It isn’t like we have never stayed somewhere other than our home and that Maryn has never lived any where other than our home. But we have never combined the two!
Here are some pictures of her apartment, it is cozy!
Or in other words learning to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. I just need more practice, right?
I am writing again about some things I learned as I studied this morning. I feel like I am getting a little closer to my seemingly never-ending quest to be more faithful, less of a murmurer—basically to stop asking “why?”
I know it is a repeated theme in this space.
As I began reading 1Nephi 2 I couldn’t help wondering why Lehi was “ok” with his tender mercy being told to leave with his family. He was completely fine. It clearly states that he built an altar and gave thanks. He didn’t know he was going to the promised land as far as I can tell, just that his life was spared. Now, don’t get me wrong, I would be grateful for too. I just can also see that as days passed in the wilderness I think I would be wondering if there was more? Or why the Lord couldn’t have chosen a different plan? I understand that some things can’t be altered—like consequences for sin. My “why” comes from a place where there isn’t sin. I have a hard time when it feels like your blessings feel more like consequences. Lehi wasn’t perfect, but his leaving wasn’t based on what he did wrong. It was the result of other’s bad choices.
Laman and Lemuel of course are murmuring, I think they may have had some of my same thoughts. Nephi tells them that one of the reasons is because they don’t understand God’s ways. I marked that scripture back in 1994 as something that I should think about. So I get that it is such an important clue, yet I still don’t seem to get it. All I see is: I clearly do not understand God’s dealings, or I would not still be asking why?
Nephi didn’t understand either, but takes his question to the Lord. This time as I read I understood that he wanted to know “the mysteries” of God. For me that meant he wanted to understand God’s will not change it. And because he went with that desire his heart was changed, “softened”, and he believed the words of his Father. In the next verse we are told exactly what happened as he explains to Sam that he knew through the Holy Ghost that the words of his father were true. But what words exactly? At this point there is still no mention of the “bigger picture”. They see the good, their glass is half full. They are content with the knowledge that their lives have been spared from the destruction that awaits Jerusalem (which is big) and however the Lord decided to do that is the best thing.
I am not sure where I would fit in, exactly. Because I wouldn’t be like Laman and Lemuel completely. I would be grateful that my life was spared. I do believe that God has power, so I wouldn’t doubt his ability to keep His word about Jerusalem’s destruction. That same power would be the source of my questioning if the wilderness was really the only answer or option. I would want it all fixed and made better, sooner than later. But that is not Nephi. Not until Nephi goes to the Lord again in prayer on behalf of his brothers and the sorrow that he feels for their disbelief, does the Lord explain everything-the promised land, Nephi’s see and his being a ruler.
So the conclusion is: Nephi trusted and believed, he felt peace, He placed himself squarely in God’s hands, before he knew the details.
And when did Lehi have the details? I still don’t know. But after I saw Nephi’s experience, I went back to 1Nephi 1:14 where Lehi describes his earlier vision where he was taught from the Bible--(how did I miss that before?). There he shares his testimony of the power and goodness and mercy of God. The same testimony that Nephi is operating under. He didn’t need the details because he was sure that God treat him the same. He would do all those things that He did anciently for His children, He would do them again, for him.
My hope is that through Grace I will be able to let go of the details, and find that faith that Lehi and Nephi had. That I will trust that the Lord will do what He has always done…for ME.
We had a very quiet and laid back Easter weekend. I shouldn’t describe it as a weekend at all to be honest. Easter was pretty much…Sunday. Kelly had a campout Friday night. He went to cave of the bells. Yeah, I know, caves. His favorite thing! They didn’t get home till late afternoon, and Kelsey was already at work, Maryn wasn’t home yet, so we just did some errands. I did make some preparations for Easter dinner. So maybe that counts as spreading to the weekend, right?
It was quite a different holiday for us. It used to be a week long celebration, remembering Christ’s last week, new clothes, some spring crafts, coloring eggs and a visit from the bunny with our Easter baskets.This time Kelly was out of town and Kelsey worked 39 and 1/2 hours, so I had a lot of time just on my own. It was perfect because I was teaching the YW on Sunday, so there was plenty of study time! There were no new clothes and even though I had a few crafts on my list, I didn’t get to them. There was not one trace of the Easter bunny this year either. Well, I have décor that represents the Easter bunny, so I should say he didn’t make an actual appearance. But that was perfect too. Since time was short we were able to spend it focusing on the important things. And lets face it, my kids are old! Coloring eggs went to the wayside a few years ago. We only do that if we are invited to someone else’s house with little kids. The baskets lasted longer than the eggs, but we haven’t done that in a while either. I used to find something to bring the “spiritual” part of Easter into their baskets when they were little, but now that they are older we can just keep it so much simpler. I found some books that are study guides for the names of Christ that I was excited about. And since they are older, they were excited about them too. This year, we felt lucky just to have the four of us eat dinner together on Sunday. We were disappointed not to have any family with us. Cindy and her family had a change of plans, so that left us with just the four of us but that probably worked out for the best as well, since travels and jobs made our time so short. So, even though it was different it was good. We had some time together, all four of us under one roof, can’t get much better than that.
I am extremely grateful for the atonement in my life. My testimony of the atonement is what keeps me going. I am grateful for the knowledge that there is life after death. I love that I can repent and find forgiveness for my sins. I love that that opportunity is for everyone, and especially grateful that I know it is possible for those I love. So I can have hope in the promise that families are forever. I am grateful that the atonement gives us everything we need to return to live with our Father in Heaven and to make improvements and work toward that goal here on earth-that we can become all that our Father wants us to become because of Jesus Christ. Because God loved me and created a plan for me and Jesus loved me enough to make that plan come alive.
Sorena gave the link for a talk on her blog, saying it was a great talk. So I took her advice and read it and I wholeheartedly agree, it IS a great talk! It is by Brad Wilcox and it is called “His Grace Is Sufficient”. I learned so much and what I loved the most was that I felt like I was given words to describe, in simple terms what the Savior’s grace means to me. Using those words I will be able to share my feelings with others and maybe even more important remind myself when I forget the miracle that is the Atonement. He likened the use of grace like being given piano lessons, he describes “mormons” as realizing we don’t’ earn our way to heaven we learn our way, practice for it and asks if we are changed by grace—for that is the purpose.
Here are a few of my favorite quotes:
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly (see John 10:10). The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed (see Romans 8). Scriptures make it clear that no unclean thing can dwell with God (see Alma 40:26), but, brothers and sisters, no unchanged thing will even want to.
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can go home but that—miraculously—we can feel at home there. If Christ did not require faith and repentance, then there would be no desire to change. Think of your friends and family members who have chosen to live without faith and without repentance. They don’t want to change. They are not trying to abandon sin and become comfortable with God. Rather, they are trying to abandon God and become comfortable with sin. If Jesus did not require covenants and bestow the gift of the Holy Ghost, then there would be no way to change. We would be left forever with only willpower, with no access to His power. If Jesus did not require endurance to the end, then there would be no internalization of those changes over time. They would forever be surface and cosmetic rather than sinking inside us and becoming part of us—part of who we are. Put simply, if Jesus didn’t require practice, then we would never become pianists.
In all of these cases there should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, “continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13).
Elder Bruce C. Hafen has written, “The Savior’s gift of grace to us is not necessarily limited in time to ‘after’ all we can do. We may receive his grace before, during and after the time when we expend our own efforts” (The Broken Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1989], 155). So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch (see Hebrews 12:2).
“Grace shall be as your day”—what an interesting phrase. We have all sung it hundreds of times, but have we stopped to consider what it means? “Grace shall be as your day”: grace shall be like a day. As dark as night may become, we can always count on the sun coming up. As dark as our trials, sins, and mistakes may appear, we can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ. Do we earn a sunrise? No. Do we have to be worthy of a chance to begin again? No. We just have to accept these blessings and take advantage of them. As sure as each brand-new day, grace—the enabling power of Jesus Christ—is constant. Faithful pioneers knew they were not alone. The task ahead of them was never as great as the power behind them.”
These words inspired me and I am excited to study more about Grace as part of my becoming.
During scripture study this morning I read in Ether chapter 1, and I excitedly wrote my thoughts. I love the account of the brother of Jared and pondered on how the Lord answered the prayers of a righteous son. I have some of those passages underlined in my scriptures, showing that I have recognized the Lord compassion in previous readings. But as I read the study guide I noticed that I had missed an important lesson from this story. It comes at the last verse of Ether chapter 1 when the Lord explains that blessings had come as a result of prayers offered over a long time—“And thus I will do unto thee because this long time ye have cried unto me”. I have always assumed that it was more a matter of one plus one equals two. I didn’t give enough credit to the brother of Jared and his efforts which in turn didn’t give enough credit to the Lord and his blessings.
The study guide states “enduring obedience coupled with frequent and persistent prayers is powerful. President Spencer W. Kimball similarly taught that we must put great effort into our prayers and that we must pray frequently: “Do you get answers to your prayers? if not, perhaps you did not pay the price. Do you offer a few trite words and worn-out phrases, or do you talk intimately to the Lord? Do you pray occasionally when you should be praying regularly, often, constantly? Do you offer pennies to pay heavy debts when you should give dollars to erase that obligation?
“When you pray, do you just speak, or do you also listen? Your Savior said, ‘Behold, I stand at the door, and knock; if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. (Rev. 3:20)
“…Should we ever fail to get an answer to our prayers, we must look into our lives for a reason” (“Prayer,” New Era, Mar, 1978, 17).
I felt this was an answer to my ponderings on my own personal prayers. I know and have mentioned before that prayer is a difficult principle for me. I have a testimony of prayer, but I an not converted to prayer. I know prayer can work, and have received answers to prayer, but it is still a struggle, prayer is not effective in my life as it should be. I received a witness to that and a renewed interest to make that change after my experience on trek. Reading this confirms to me that the first step is to make more effort to be consistent with prayer. I must remember to pray each and every night, and really speak from the heart. I also need to do more listening. I have the faith that it will work, I see now that I need to use that faith and do the work.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
This seems to be a day of pondering! As I was studying for my lesson in young women’s I came upon this scripture. As I read, tears filled my eyes to think of such a time. I yearn for this day! It sounds like heaven! (wink wink)
It has been a fun, busy month. Renaissance Festival, Maryn moved to Phoenix, Kelsey (and I) drove a bobcat, TNS Youth Trek, a wedding, hail storm and major yard work!
Want to join in the fun go here!
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