The Paradox of Man

We have been studying about repentance and the atonement, as found specifically in the Book of Mormon for our family study. We have been reading chronologically and then studying also along with a book entitled “He Did Deliver Me From Bondage”. It is a deep soul, searching kind of study. It has been difficult at times, to express on paper the feelings and thoughts that I have. Yet I have found that the effort to do that, have exposed the strengths and weaknesses in my testimony. And in particular my testimony of the Savior and His Atonement, how it applies to me. Alone.

I have really struggled with the concept of nothingness. My carnal self fights against that reality, and that struggle has taught me so much about myself. Trying to be important, exemplary or just plain “cool” in someone else’s eyes leaves very little room for the Savior to do His work with you. When I try to find my worth through the world’s eyes, I feel a rush., but that fades and I am left feeling empty. In contrast, when I turn to the Savior, and allow myself to be “nothing” in compared to what He offers, I am filled with His love, love that fills to overflowing, which in turn leaves me with more love to share with others.

Elder Uchtdorf called it the paradox of man. That in compared to all of God’s creations, we are nothing. Yet, all of God’s creations were for our benefit, to help us fulfill His purpose, which is to help us return home to Him. Making us everything. Alone, I can not bring myself back to dwell with God. Try as I might, even if I spend my days in service 24/7, I can’t do it. Only the Savior can. I must humble myself, as a child, and realize that the only way I can walk back to the presence of God is if I hold His hands and He leads me. He offered Himself as a ransom for all, yet when I call on Him, He is there for me, and knows exactly what I need.

Elder Holland described it so beautifully with these words: “To you is extended the peace and renewal of repentance available through the atoning sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ. In such serious matters the path of repentance is not easily begun or painlessly traveled. But the Savior of the world will walk that essential journey with you. He will  strengthen  you when you waver. He will be your light when it seems most dark. He will take your
hand and be your hope when hope seems all you have left. His compassion and mercy, with all their cleansing and healing power, are freely given to all who truly wish complete forgiveness and will take the steps that lead to it” (Ensign Nov. 1998, 78).

So my spirit self is over ruling my carnal self, and I can say, with confidence:

I am nothing…without the Savior.